JE T'AIME MOI NON PLUS/I Love you I don't (1976)

One of my quirkier lusts over the years has been Jane Birkin but for some reason I never thought to check out any of the films she has made in France, contenting myself with her CDs and occasional picture searches on Google. A flash of inspiration caused me to add a few of her titles to my rental list and the first to arrive was this film which, literally, turns out to be a real pain in the arse. Jane plays a girl working in a roadside cafe. Known as "Johnny" because of her androgenous looks. She develops a crush on a local refuse collector (Joe Dallesandro) who it turns out is gay. Joe finds himself attracted to Jane but can't get it up with a woman. They solve this by having anal sex - prolonged scenes of Jane screaming in pain! Really, Serge, once was enough! Joe's boyfriend gets jealous and tries to kill Jane after he himself has been turned down for casual sex by a man with a huge penis (a young Gerard Depardieu no less). Joe realises how much his boyfriend loves him and they bugger off into the sunset leaving Jane naked, rejected and half suffocated. As you can see from the plot the film doesn't contain a lot of laughs, even the awfulness of it all doesn't really lend itself to unintentional humour. Acting is competent but Gainbourg's direction is pretty dreadful and one wonders just why such a depressing piece was chosen as his directorial debut - one for the psychiatrists no doubt. If sodomy in a garbage truck turns you on them maybe this is the film for you...if not I'd give it a wide berth. Incidentally this is the film which featured Gainsbourg/Birkin's hit "J'taime" but it is only heard on the soundtrack as an instrumental. Rating *